Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Waiting for Death


The air in the room was thick and damp. It enveloped her like a pall.
At first, Sarah was listless and then she could not move.

Her fear was palpable. No one could understand it. She was so beautiful.
And so full of life.

The doctor puzzled; the priest prayed the rosary; and the shaman quaked.

The anticipation was overwhelming.
And finally, they all understood they were powerless.
The future was inevitable.

A shadowy figure appeared in the room.
With a black cloak and scythe.

He handed them to Sarah and said, “I'm sorry I took so long to make your costume. But it had to be perfect!  Tonight, you will personify Death when you go out trick or treating.”

And Sarah’s friends, dressed as a doctor, a priest and a shaman were so relieved, now that they knew that she would be able to join them.
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I wrote this for Trifecta Week 46 Writing Challenge where are to write a 33-333 word composition using the word death in the context of a destroyer of life.


38 comments:

  1. Great twist on the story! You had me wondering until the very end.

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    1. Thanks Tara. I always worry about whether I've kept the secret. lol!

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  2. Mwahahaha! I love it. The makings of a good joke, too! A doctor, a priest and a shaman walk into a bar...

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    1. ...and they ordered Bloody Marys, what else? I accept the challenge. I will write a joke about the doctor, priest and shaman and post it very soon (before I lose my motivation!) Thanks Jeanna.

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  3. It sucked me in and I got nervous at first then I could feel the joke. Fun, fun and clever ending. Well played!

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    2. Thanks Gina. I was hoping it would take a while before they realized that the joke was coming. I was inspired by several of your pieces where you were quite effective with this approach.

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  4. lol awww that made me smile :D I was seriously worried about the girl for a minute there though...

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  5. Thanks Draug. Yeah, I was worried about her too since I wrote the beginning and I wans't sure what the surprise ending was going to be. I might have just had to kill her!

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  6. Hee! Very clever. This was kind of like a Halloween costume itself - scary on the outside, and sweet on the inside. :)

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    1. Thank you Christine. Yeah, I guess you could say the writing cloaked the true story here lol!

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  7. Ah, this was great. The doctor, the priest and the shaman. Loved it.

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  8. nice ending!! Not what I was expecting :)

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  9. Oh, you tricked us! And I love that. Well done, as usual!

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    1. Thank you Stephanie. I love when I can trick somebody. Tis the season, right?

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    1. Thank you Mel. I'm glad I kept you wondering, at least, for a while. :)

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  11. Didn't see it coming. Very well done. (RogRites)

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    1. Thanks Rog. That was my biggest fear, that I would give it away too soon!

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  12. That is SO GREAT! And a kid dressed as a shaman to boot. Excellent.

    I so hate when others outdumbass me. (That's a compliment, for the record.)

    Really enjoyed this one, LD.

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    1. Thank you Michele. No way I out dumbassed you, but I'm proud to be in the same company!

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  13. I laughed out loud, but my coworkers think I am nuts anyway, so I don't care. This was brilliant. I liked the way you set up the twist, especially.

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  14. Every time I come back and visit you, you get better and better as a writer.

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  15. You had me going right to the end, nice work!!

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  16. hah, such a cute twist at the end!

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  17. The ending made me giggle! What a fantastic twist! :)

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  18. Funny take on the prompt. Thanks for the interjection of humor. Come on back soon.

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  19. Phew! You had me going there for a minute and I love when that happens!! So much fun this is!

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