Saturday, August 4, 2012

The Pride






The pride of lions, led by El Jefe, was hunting.
Whippersnapper lion blurted: “Why don’t we split up so we can find more prey?”
El Jefe glared disapprovingly at Whippersnapper.
The Pride resumed.
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I wrote this for Trifextra Week 27 Writing Challenge, where we are supposed to write a 33 word fable.  

Your comments are appreciated.

32 comments:

  1. Ha! Brilliant! All it takes is one look to correct insubordination.

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    1. Yea, my mother had this look of disappointment when I screwed up, and it was a killer. Thanks for your comment.

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  2. Love "El Jefe", the boss! Smart Whippersnapper to respond to just a glare. Wish people/kids would respond to me that way sometimes but not happening anytime soon! Loved this one!

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    1. El Jefe just flew into my head and I knew that would be the head lion's name. Some day I will write a post about my meeting the man they call El Jefe. Yes, it would be good if it always worked on kids, but sometimes I wonder why adults don't question commonly held assumptions more. Thanks for all of your comments.

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  3. Loved it! All my dad had to do was snap his fingers and my sibs and I snapped to attention. All of our cousins kept doing the bad stuff LOL!

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    1. I suppose the cousins were not under his finger-snapping jurisdiction! I remember a few aunts and uncles giving me the evil eye and it made an impression!

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  4. El Jefe is always right. Until Whippershnapper suddenly becomes Jefe. And then...well, El Jefe is always right.

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  5. Right, Whippersnapper just needs to get some cajones. Thanks for pointing out the circuitous nature of things!

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  6. Thank you. I've never written a fable so it was fun to get into the mode.

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  7. This was great! I can't believe that managed to fit a beginning, middle and end into a 33 word fable! Awesome job.

    As a bonus, I love reading the comments about the various ways that adults have shown disapproval! I personally have a what we call the "Mom voice" and I've been known to use it on people who aren't my kids. Oops. Haha.

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    1. Thank you for those comments. Yea, the parental disapproval thing was a take on this that I never imagined. But it's been fun trading experiences :)

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  8. I have the Mama eye - just ask my girls - and THEIR kiddos. :)

    Sometimes it even works on hubbymoose.

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    1. I imagine that look could scare heads of state lol! Thanks for stopping by.

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    1. Don't recall if I ever had the Dad look, but, if I did, it wasn't effective :/

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    1. Yes, he's the top dog...I guess. Thanks for stopping by.

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  11. El Jefe is my brother-in-laws nickname lol. And I can't tell you how many times I've been called a young whippersnapper in my life. Love it!

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    1. Well...does this fable have other parallels with your life? I'm guessing the bro-in law has this nickname for a reason lol! Thanks.

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  12. Honour thy father and thy mother!

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  13. For sure. Thanks for stopping by.

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  14. When you're old enough, you can get your own pride and tell them what to do. Till then...
    Pretty much what every kid hears - well done!

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    2. Thanks Tomahawk. I appreciate your having highlighted this issue. Sometimes, it makes sense to listen to a new idea, whether it comes from a youngster or not.

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  15. Nice. The names were a great touch.

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    1. Thanks. Sometimes, I'm so wrapped up in the story, that the names are a second thought. This has been a good reminder.

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  16. yes, so good! I liked this one a lot.

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