Saturday, March 23, 2013

The Abyss

I stand in the cold rain
And try to remember
What the rebellion was all about
As I think about the loss
And who did what first, 
I wonder if it really matters anymore
An abyss
_____ 

 I wrote this for the Trifextra Week 60 Writing Challenge where we are supposed to write a 36 word composition using the words "remember", "rain" and "rebellion".

 Your comments are appreciated. 
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42 comments:

  1. SuzanneMarch 23, 2013 at 7:31 AM

    I like this a lot! You've done such a good job capturing the mood.

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    1. lumdog2012March 23, 2013 at 3:32 PM

      Thank you Suzanne. The "mood" was everything here.

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  2. AnonymousMarch 23, 2013 at 8:22 AM

    Love this. Trying to remember who did what first and does it matter, that's a wonderful description.

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    1. lumdog2012March 23, 2013 at 3:34 PM

      Yeah, while I engage in that mental exercise constantly, I'm beginning to realize how pointless it is. Thanks Donetta.

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  3. Valerie BoersmaMarch 23, 2013 at 8:51 AM

    This scenario is all too common, and you've captured that sense of bewilderment perfectly here. An abyss...exactly! Well done!!

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    1. lumdog2012March 23, 2013 at 3:37 PM

      Thanks Valerie. While I didn't have a specific person in mind in this piece, it could be about the demise of my marriage to another Valerie. But I still think its a beautiful name. :)

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  4. AnonymousMarch 23, 2013 at 8:56 AM

    This is most excellent! I love your choice of words. A deep subject matter as well... very nice friend! XO ~ Jen

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    1. lumdog2012March 23, 2013 at 3:44 PM

      Thank you so much Jen. I appreciate your words is support.

      Delete
  5. PurpleMooseMarch 23, 2013 at 9:33 AM

    well caught emotions here.

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  6. GinaMarch 23, 2013 at 10:09 AM

    This reminds me of disagreements, lost loves and friendships. It's really quite emotional. And sad. You conveyed it all so well.

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    1. lumdog2012March 23, 2013 at 3:49 PM

      Gina, thanks again for your thoughtful comments. You hit many nails on the head but the funny thing is, I started writing a piece about a rebellion in the literal, political sense and my emotional subconscious mind took over and wrote this piece. :)

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  7. chamblee54March 23, 2013 at 11:31 AM

    Thank you for this. I added rhymes. http://chamblee54.wordpress.com/2013/03/23/swat-squad-saturday/

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    1. lumdog2012March 23, 2013 at 3:53 PM

      Thank you too. I liked your rhymes very much.

      Delete
  8. AnonymousMarch 23, 2013 at 1:11 PM

    "... and who did what first." So important, and yet, so insignificant. Nicely done, Lumdog.

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    1. lumdog2012March 23, 2013 at 4:07 PM

      Thanks so much Christine. I'm glad you liked the thought behind that line. :)

      Delete
  9. AnonymousMarch 23, 2013 at 6:25 PM

    poetic nihilism? I'm in. Good job, lum. really.

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  10. TMWHickmanMarch 23, 2013 at 8:31 PM

    This captured a mood of despondency that a lot of old soldiers must feel, after the war is over. That "was it all worth it?" introspection packs a powerful punch!

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    1. lumdog2012March 24, 2013 at 3:17 PM

      Thanks Tina. I was thinking that even though my mind took this piece on a slighly different journey.

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  11. Whispering ThoughtsMarch 23, 2013 at 9:13 PM

    Good one.

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  12. DraugMarch 24, 2013 at 7:32 AM

    I'm getting a lost feeling from this. It's a powerful piece, well done!

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  13. Vanessa Victoria KilmerMarch 24, 2013 at 9:06 AM

    Looking back, we often forget. Well done.

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    1. lumdog2012March 24, 2013 at 3:20 PM

      Thanks Vanessa. I think we always forget key things in the heat of battle or in a conflicted relationship.

      Delete
  14. Sini RachelMarch 24, 2013 at 11:25 AM

    We get into the flow of hurtful words and what it all was for, is soon forgotten. Wanting to win is so much wrong for relationships.

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  15. AnonymousMarch 24, 2013 at 2:23 PM

    Really enjoyed this. It's sad how we so often don'tremember why.

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  16. AtreyeeMarch 24, 2013 at 2:45 PM

    What a fabulous piece Lumdog!Don't we all ask these questions at one point or the other in our lives?Sometimes a rebellion seems so meaningless in retrospect & we are left with regrets,guilt & a feeling of helplessness.You have nailed this one:-)

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    1. lumdog2012March 24, 2013 at 3:28 PM

      Thank you for all those kind words Atreyee. :)

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  17. kymmMarch 24, 2013 at 3:14 PM

    It is a long way down into that abyss. Truth!

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    1. lumdog2012March 24, 2013 at 3:26 PM

      I think there is no end. Thank you Kymm. Just loved your piece.

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  18. AnonymousMarch 24, 2013 at 3:52 PM

    Makes you stop and think.. Excellent piece...x

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  19. ReneeMarch 24, 2013 at 5:37 PM

    Nice! Rebellions sometimes get distracted from their original purpose.

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  20. CameronMarch 24, 2013 at 7:27 PM

    Uneasy thoughts... and so relevant.

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  21. UnknownMarch 25, 2013 at 5:01 AM

    A really great write on the importance on reflection.

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  22. AnonymousMarch 25, 2013 at 9:59 AM

    Lumdog I just nominated you for the Liebster blog award. Feel free to do with it what you may as I know that the awards thing can sometimes be a bit tedious with the rules and all of the writing...No pressure! :). http://wp.me/pVHMq-xE

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  23. UnknownMarch 25, 2013 at 11:32 AM

    Excellent. You just described every war ever! :D

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  24. KirMarch 27, 2013 at 12:33 PM

    all of looking into the abyss wondering what happened and why. You took 33 words and just made them a whole story.
    it was haunting, it was relevant and it was intelligent.
    WOW

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