Saturday, March 23, 2013

The Abyss

I stand in the cold rain
And try to remember
What the rebellion was all about
As I think about the loss
And who did what first, 
I wonder if it really matters anymore
An abyss
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I wrote this for the Trifextra Week 60 Writing Challenge where we are supposed to write a 36 word composition using the words "remember", "rain" and "rebellion".

Your comments are appreciated. 

43 comments:

  1. I like this a lot! You've done such a good job capturing the mood.

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    1. Thank you Suzanne. The "mood" was everything here.

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  2. Love this. Trying to remember who did what first and does it matter, that's a wonderful description.

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    1. Yeah, while I engage in that mental exercise constantly, I'm beginning to realize how pointless it is. Thanks Donetta.

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  3. This scenario is all too common, and you've captured that sense of bewilderment perfectly here. An abyss...exactly! Well done!!

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    1. Thanks Valerie. While I didn't have a specific person in mind in this piece, it could be about the demise of my marriage to another Valerie. But I still think its a beautiful name. :)

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  4. This is most excellent! I love your choice of words. A deep subject matter as well... very nice friend! XO ~ Jen

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    1. Thank you so much Jen. I appreciate your words is support.

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  5. This reminds me of disagreements, lost loves and friendships. It's really quite emotional. And sad. You conveyed it all so well.

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    1. Gina, thanks again for your thoughtful comments. You hit many nails on the head but the funny thing is, I started writing a piece about a rebellion in the literal, political sense and my emotional subconscious mind took over and wrote this piece. :)

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  6. Thank you for this. I added rhymes. http://chamblee54.wordpress.com/2013/03/23/swat-squad-saturday/

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    1. Thank you too. I liked your rhymes very much.

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  7. "... and who did what first." So important, and yet, so insignificant. Nicely done, Lumdog.

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    1. Thanks so much Christine. I'm glad you liked the thought behind that line. :)

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  8. poetic nihilism? I'm in. Good job, lum. really.

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    1. Thank you Lance. It does feel empty.

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  9. This captured a mood of despondency that a lot of old soldiers must feel, after the war is over. That "was it all worth it?" introspection packs a powerful punch!

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    1. Thanks Tina. I was thinking that even though my mind took this piece on a slighly different journey.

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  10. I'm getting a lost feeling from this. It's a powerful piece, well done!

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    1. Thank you Draug. I appreciate that.

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  11. Looking back, we often forget. Well done.

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    1. Thanks Vanessa. I think we always forget key things in the heat of battle or in a conflicted relationship.

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  12. We get into the flow of hurtful words and what it all was for, is soon forgotten. Wanting to win is so much wrong for relationships.

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    1. So true. Hurtful words and thoughts too.

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    2. And thanks for your comments Sini. :)

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  13. Really enjoyed this. It's sad how we so often don'tremember why.

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  14. What a fabulous piece Lumdog!Don't we all ask these questions at one point or the other in our lives?Sometimes a rebellion seems so meaningless in retrospect & we are left with regrets,guilt & a feeling of helplessness.You have nailed this one:-)

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    1. Thank you for all those kind words Atreyee. :)

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  15. It is a long way down into that abyss. Truth!

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    1. I think there is no end. Thank you Kymm. Just loved your piece.

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  16. Makes you stop and think.. Excellent piece...x

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  17. Nice! Rebellions sometimes get distracted from their original purpose.

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  18. Uneasy thoughts... and so relevant.

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  19. A really great write on the importance on reflection.

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  20. Lumdog I just nominated you for the Liebster blog award. Feel free to do with it what you may as I know that the awards thing can sometimes be a bit tedious with the rules and all of the writing...No pressure! :). http://wp.me/pVHMq-xE

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  21. Excellent. You just described every war ever! :D

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  22. all of looking into the abyss wondering what happened and why. You took 33 words and just made them a whole story.
    it was haunting, it was relevant and it was intelligent.
    WOW

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