Blankness
would devour her.
She
could not abide the thought
Of
no children in the house
The
pink impatiens by the front door
Were
hidden, then gone…never mind
_______
I
wrote this for the Trifextra Week 56 Writing Challenge. Here are the instructions for the prompt:
This weekend we are playing another type of word game with you.
Below are photos from the 33rd page of one of our very favorite books,
Elizabeth Strout's Olive Kitteridge. What we want you to do is to scour the
page (click to enlarge), choose 33 words, and reshape those words into a piece
of your own. Your piece does not have to tell an entire story. We just want to
see what you can do with this particular word bank. Punctuation is up to you.
Use whatever you need, whether or not it appears in the photos.
Your
comments are appreciated.
Bleak! Very good use of the words.
ReplyDeleteBleak it is. I found the word limitation lent itself to dark, choppy phrases. Thanks Sandra.
DeleteA lot of grief in just a few words. Well done - it was a tricky one this week!
ReplyDeleteYeah, for sure. I thought it would be easy until I couldn't find words that I needed to finish each phrase. It wound up telling me what to write. lol! Thanks Morgan.
DeleteNice piece. I love the way the flowers disappear.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kelly. I was happy when I came up with that line. :)
DeleteYou did well there!
ReplyDeleteThanks Manauga.
DeleteReally nice... a slice of life. Great arrangement!
ReplyDeleteThanks Steph. For a few minutes, I wasn't sure I'd come up with anything coherant.
Deletevery nice piece :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Shopaholic. :)
Deletemy favorite one thus far this weekend. you really set an atmosphere in this short piece. and quiescence, a new word for my vocab!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Renada! :)
DeleteSuch a sad tale, but beautifully told. (Though I notice there are 34 words... Shhhh!) ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you for some of those comments. Lol! ;). My Word counter said 33 but you are right, just between us!
DeleteInteresting. I see the word counter takes the 'gone...never' as one word. By the same token, to my fury, it takes my habit of spacing both sides of an elipse as being an extra word, e.g. 'gone ... never' would be three.
DeleteThe barren emotion comes through brilliantly (:
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Draug.
DeleteYou have captured the emotion of the empty-nester..I should know being one of those women! Interesting use of the words grabbed for the Challenge. It was a difficult one.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Ramby.
DeleteThis is lovely, capturing a personal emotion. You selected some beautiful words to craft your piece.
ReplyDeleteThanks Joann. I wasn't sure whether this would come across.
Deletelove this - great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you Barbara.
DeleteSwoon. From reading the comments around the blogosphere, it sounds like you struggled with this one. You would never know it by reading this. This is lovely. Choppy, maybe. But I think the choppiness fits here.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tri. I commented on my struggles on the Trifecta site. It was an interesting exercise since the choices were so limited. Glad you liked "choppy"!
DeleteYou made this description quite understandable, as I jumped right into your words without noticing the title. My mind had already titled it "Empty Nest Syndrome" before I saw your own "Empty Nest" designation. Well-expressed, lumdog.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Jody.
DeleteLoved the very end (well the whole thing but especially the end). I hate when I feel, "oh, just forget it." Uselessness. We're left feeling her sadness, emptiness. This might be my favorite thing you've written, lum!
ReplyDeleteBtw, are you going to jump in these treacherous waters?
DeleteThanks Gina, especially your last comment, though the prompt forced me to write something very different than my usual. Maybe it's a good lesson. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Wow! This is really good Lumdog. Superb! :D
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Linda.
DeleteThis was like a punch to the gut. You've packed so much despair in so few words!
ReplyDeleteThank you Tina. The prompt caused my to write in stark phrases. Maybe a good learning experience for my verbose poetry! :)
DeleteOh this is sad, makes me think something happened to the children :-(
ReplyDeleteThank you Kenya. I was really thinking of kids off to school, etc., but it came out darker. I like your interpretation!
DeleteI wonder how much patiens I will have for this theme.
ReplyDeleteHa! I see your point. Thanks.
DeleteI love the words you chose in this. well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks Bo.
DeleteVery poignant, Lumdog. A powerful use of those 33 words.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tom. I think you mailed this one with you entry.
DeleteThis really covers your topic well. It is fascinating to see how many different nuances of meaning variious bloggers have seized on that 'never mind' to convey.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I agree. When I started to write, it seemed so limiting but the variety destroys that idea!
DeleteIt hits the solar plexus-whoosh!The line "She could not abide the thought
ReplyDeleteOf no children in the house" is so poignant!Love it Lumdog-a fab piece:-)
Thank you Atreyee.
DeleteI think this group has squeezed all conceivable meaning out of this word bank. good work :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sam.
DeleteAw...sad! Perfect ending in her blank lostness of self summed up in "... never mind." Beautiful :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Dawn. Glad you liked the ending. I wasn't sure about it.
DeleteBlankness would devour her
ReplyDeleteThis is the fear that keeps me writing, lumdog.
Terrific entry. also, the impatiens hidden, then gone.
Thanks so much Kymm.
DeleteOh, this just made my heart break. So well done.
ReplyDeleteThank you Renee. You linked up late but you had a good one!
DeleteNice... I liked the 'never mind'.
ReplyDeleteYou got me with the second line. So touching and sad.
ReplyDelete