Friday, September 6, 2013

Kids, Don't Try This At Home

Jill hit the tetherball.

The blow causes the tether to break.

The ball achieves great loft,

ultimately falling with some force, breaking Jack’s crown.

Jack tumbles down.

Jill, in shock, comes tumbling after.

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I wrote this for the Week 84 Trifextra Writing Challenge where we are to write a 33 word composition which incorporates the words “tether”, “loft” and “crown”.

Your comments are appreciated.

45 comments:

  1. lol Especially love the title, lumdog!

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  2. And all this time I thought trampolines were the real backyard danger. The tetherball is coming down tonight!

    This made me smile :)

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    1. Thank you Ivy. I'm just trying to do a public service. :)

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    1. Thank you. Always trying to advance literature whenever I can. :)

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  4. This is real life. Not that fairytale fluff! Welcome back, lum!

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    1. Thanks Gina. Kids need more grim reality. Next nursery rhyme will be about the Great Recession. :) Glad to be back.

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  5. Next, you'll be cracking wise about lawn darts!!! :)

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    1. And of course, the ever dangerous dodge ball. Thanks Tom.

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  6. Huh...all this time I thought Jack's injuries were work-related (fetching water.) Finally, the truth comes out :) Tetherball is dangerous sport - I've watched my sons play!

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    1. Yeah, OSHA rejected his claim. He's now in protracted litigation with Jill. Thanks Janna. :)

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  7. Yep, see my response to Janna above. Jack has sued Jill for negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Thanks Donetta. :)

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  8. Very nice one! Tetherball is dangerous! Spread the word!

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  9. Ha! Love this. Great title, great Jack and Jill interpretation.

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  10. This is why I don't play sports.

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    1. Yeah, you can even loose an eye playing badminton. :) Thanks Draug.

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  11. I especially love your use of the word "loft" in this. I have NEVER liked tetherball! ;)

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    1. Thanks De. I gave my use of "loft" some thought so I appreciate that.

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  12. Jack and Jill... sure a lot of fun...

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    1. I originally thought of something more lurid. That could have been fun. Thanks Bjorn.

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  13. Ha!ha!Lumdog!Love your unique take and the way you used the word "loft" :-)

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  14. Aha! So now we know when Jill's life of crime began...

    Excellent tale!

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  15. Hmmm... this sounds vaguely familiar... Love It... Nicely Done & Great fun.

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    1. It seemed familiar to me when I wrote it and I shamelessly gave in to my baser instincts. Thanks Ted

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  16. I love your take on the prompt with this nursery rhyme! I wish I had thought of this!

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  17. Thanks for linking up! Be sure to come back and vote!

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  18. Unusual and very cool.

    Still smiling.

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  19. Love it. Great retelling and use of the prompts.

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  20. ah! finally the true story. *thumbs up

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  21. An interesting take on the old nursery rhyme! Good one!

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  22. Aha! The true story of Jack and Jill! Uncensored. Finally.

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