Friday, July 27, 2012

The Pastor





The pastor had it all, his own church, a mansion on the lake, a private jet, a beautiful wife, a fleet of cars, so the fall from grace was that much the harder. 

I wrote this for the Week 26 Trifextra Writing Challenge, where we are to write a 33 word opening line (incipit) to a book.

 









 

49 comments:

  1. A pastor that has this much? I need to change religion... Very nice take!

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  2. Thanks for your comment. I think his wealth will be the key point in the story, if and when it gets written.

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    1. Oh, please do write it! I am so intrigued :)

      Megan

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    2. I plan to. Thanks for commenting.

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  3. I really think this weeks challenge is cruel. I want to read the rest of the story.

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  4. Thanks for your comment and words of encouragement. The story is in my head, so I'm ready to go with it, unless they really want a 333 page book. :/

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    1. Now that would be a short book, but certainly an easy to read one LOL!

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    2. I hope you didn't say that because you think I have a small head. Lol! Actually, i see this as a hybrid poem/short story.

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  5. Oooh! How very Jim and Tammy Faye!

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    1. Yes, but different, I hope! Thanks for commenting.

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    2. That's exactly what I was thinking!

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  6. Caught my interest. Writing exactly 33 words is really hard.

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    1. Yes, sometimes I have to twist the grammar and the words around to make it exactly 33 words. But this was easier than having to write a whole story in 33 words! Thanks for your comment.

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  7. a well to do pastor falling from grace, eh? perhaps social and divine grace? i am intrigued to read on, if it were possible.

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    1. The grace from which he fell is key to the story. Thanks for your comment.

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  8. Ah, and he's probably preparing the sermon on proper tithing, too (you know, the guilt one!) :)

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    1. Out of fear of giving away too much of the story, I can only say that guilt is not a central theme. Thanks for stopping by.

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  9. I'm definitely curious, and want to know his story!
    I hope that you do write it.

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    1. I will write it. Thanks for your comment.

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  10. Sounds like one of those TV-begging-bowl type pastors. Perhaps he boobed on camera...

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  11. He was not s shy fellow. Thanks for your comment.

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  12. The higher up, the longer the fall. Yep, the discrepancy between the pastor and his congregation was probably very large. Wonder what caused the fall? Greed or extra-curriculars?

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  13. Yes, it's a truth about people in high places but my story will have a slightly different take. Thanks for stopping by.

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  14. Or maybe something much more unexpected caused the fall: maybe a revelation that his life doesn't match that of Jesus'....

    Interesting :)

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  15. I like that insight but I can't say what the reader will see as THE reason for the fall. Maybe it's more than one thing or none at all. Thanks for your comment .

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  16. Oh very good! It has left me wanting...

    Anna :o] at http://puzzelicious.blogspot.com

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  17. I like the idea of a pastor having so much personal wealth, definitely not what you expect for a man of the cloth :)

    However, I'm not sure a laundry list of things is the best way to begin. I think you could show the reader more effectively the wealth by breaking it up a bit more, rewording...obviously something difficult to do in 33 words but keep that in mind as you write the story :)

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    1. I had considered more of a build up to the trappings of wealth but for this exercise , I needed a grabber in 33 words. Thanks for your helpful thoughts. I may go back to this when I write the story.

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    2. BTW, while I might be wrong, I liked the laundry list since I thought it conveyed a sense that he had amassed a list of "possessions."

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  18. The higher you reach, the harder you fall. I hope the pastor has a backup too.

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    1. I would say he has a back up plan, of sorts. Thanks for your comments.

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  19. Loved this. Definitely a winning first line.

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    1. Thank you so much for those comments! I think I'vve seen quite a few winners this weekend.

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  20. I appreciate your comments. I've enjoyed reading your blog.

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  21. This is so true and timely. I'd love to know what knocked the pastor off his pedestal.

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  22. Thanks for the comment about being true and timely, that was part of the inspiration for my writing this.

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  23. Nice. You might consider setting the list of things he has apart with dashes or something instead of commas; I think it might improve the flow.

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    1. I should say -- from the rest of the sentence, not from each other!

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    2. Thanks for your suggestion and clarification. At first, I was trying to picture what dashes between each of the things would look like Lol! I think the separation from the rest of the sentence is a good idea, though. Thanks again.

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  24. Definitely makes me want to know the pastor's story--there's a story to a fall of any kind!

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    1. Yea, the "why" behind the fall is always the big question, but I'm also interested in how pople react to it. My story will deal with that. Thanks for your comment.

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  25. Thanks for linking up with Trifextra this weekend. I think this makes a good setup for a longer piece. You've definitely got us interested! As for the flow of your sentence, I like the other suggestions and I'll throw the idea of a colon into the mix.

    Hope to see you back again soon.

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  26. Thanks for your comments. I want to play with the format of how the opener begins. I was thinking the list of possessions isn't noticeable in the rest of the text.

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  27. There's a delicious scandal coming on, isn't there?

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    1. Yes, but it may not be exactly what your thinking. :) Thanks for your comment.

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  28. I predict this guy's returning his roots! Nice opening.

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    1. I think you could say that. Thanks for your comments.

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