The pastor had it all, his
own church, a mansion on the lake, a private jet, a beautiful wife, a fleet of
cars, so the fall from grace was that much the harder.
I wrote this for the Week 26 Trifextra Writing Challenge, where we are to write a 33 word opening line (incipit) to a book.
A pastor that has this much? I need to change religion... Very nice take!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. I think his wealth will be the key point in the story, if and when it gets written.
ReplyDeleteOh, please do write it! I am so intrigued :)
DeleteMegan
I plan to. Thanks for commenting.
DeleteI really think this weeks challenge is cruel. I want to read the rest of the story.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment and words of encouragement. The story is in my head, so I'm ready to go with it, unless they really want a 333 page book. :/
ReplyDeleteNow that would be a short book, but certainly an easy to read one LOL!
DeleteI hope you didn't say that because you think I have a small head. Lol! Actually, i see this as a hybrid poem/short story.
DeleteOooh! How very Jim and Tammy Faye!
ReplyDeleteYes, but different, I hope! Thanks for commenting.
DeleteThat's exactly what I was thinking!
DeleteCaught my interest. Writing exactly 33 words is really hard.
ReplyDeleteYes, sometimes I have to twist the grammar and the words around to make it exactly 33 words. But this was easier than having to write a whole story in 33 words! Thanks for your comment.
Deletea well to do pastor falling from grace, eh? perhaps social and divine grace? i am intrigued to read on, if it were possible.
ReplyDeleteThe grace from which he fell is key to the story. Thanks for your comment.
DeleteAh, and he's probably preparing the sermon on proper tithing, too (you know, the guilt one!) :)
ReplyDeleteOut of fear of giving away too much of the story, I can only say that guilt is not a central theme. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteI'm definitely curious, and want to know his story!
ReplyDeleteI hope that you do write it.
I will write it. Thanks for your comment.
DeleteSounds like one of those TV-begging-bowl type pastors. Perhaps he boobed on camera...
ReplyDeleteHe was not s shy fellow. Thanks for your comment.
ReplyDeleteThe higher up, the longer the fall. Yep, the discrepancy between the pastor and his congregation was probably very large. Wonder what caused the fall? Greed or extra-curriculars?
ReplyDeleteYes, it's a truth about people in high places but my story will have a slightly different take. Thanks for stopping by.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe something much more unexpected caused the fall: maybe a revelation that his life doesn't match that of Jesus'....
ReplyDeleteInteresting :)
I like that insight but I can't say what the reader will see as THE reason for the fall. Maybe it's more than one thing or none at all. Thanks for your comment .
ReplyDeleteOh very good! It has left me wanting...
ReplyDeleteAnna :o] at http://puzzelicious.blogspot.com
Thank you for those kind words.
DeleteI like the idea of a pastor having so much personal wealth, definitely not what you expect for a man of the cloth :)
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'm not sure a laundry list of things is the best way to begin. I think you could show the reader more effectively the wealth by breaking it up a bit more, rewording...obviously something difficult to do in 33 words but keep that in mind as you write the story :)
I had considered more of a build up to the trappings of wealth but for this exercise , I needed a grabber in 33 words. Thanks for your helpful thoughts. I may go back to this when I write the story.
DeleteBTW, while I might be wrong, I liked the laundry list since I thought it conveyed a sense that he had amassed a list of "possessions."
DeleteThe higher you reach, the harder you fall. I hope the pastor has a backup too.
ReplyDeleteI would say he has a back up plan, of sorts. Thanks for your comments.
DeleteLoved this. Definitely a winning first line.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for those comments! I think I'vve seen quite a few winners this weekend.
DeleteWow. You captured me. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your comments. I've enjoyed reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true and timely. I'd love to know what knocked the pastor off his pedestal.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment about being true and timely, that was part of the inspiration for my writing this.
ReplyDeleteNice. You might consider setting the list of things he has apart with dashes or something instead of commas; I think it might improve the flow.
ReplyDeleteI should say -- from the rest of the sentence, not from each other!
DeleteThanks for your suggestion and clarification. At first, I was trying to picture what dashes between each of the things would look like Lol! I think the separation from the rest of the sentence is a good idea, though. Thanks again.
DeleteDefinitely makes me want to know the pastor's story--there's a story to a fall of any kind!
ReplyDeleteYea, the "why" behind the fall is always the big question, but I'm also interested in how pople react to it. My story will deal with that. Thanks for your comment.
DeleteThanks for linking up with Trifextra this weekend. I think this makes a good setup for a longer piece. You've definitely got us interested! As for the flow of your sentence, I like the other suggestions and I'll throw the idea of a colon into the mix.
ReplyDeleteHope to see you back again soon.
Thanks for your comments. I want to play with the format of how the opener begins. I was thinking the list of possessions isn't noticeable in the rest of the text.
ReplyDeleteThere's a delicious scandal coming on, isn't there?
ReplyDeleteYes, but it may not be exactly what your thinking. :) Thanks for your comment.
DeleteI predict this guy's returning his roots! Nice opening.
ReplyDeleteI think you could say that. Thanks for your comments.
Delete