Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Noir Mal: The Long Day

The tall blonde sauntered into my office.  I knew it was going to be a bad day when she asked me to take a case without a retainer.  But this babe had legs like a gazelle and a body that wouldn’t quit; I just couldn’t turn her down.  I poured her a whiskey, straight up, and she spilled her guts. It seems that her husband had been slapping her around, real bad. 

The broad told me that she had lots of dough, so much, that she could open a bakery for the Chinese Army.  She then told me that her husband was connected and that the cops wouldn’t help her.  I said, “So, what am I supposed to do, rub this guy out?”  Sheepishly, the lady said: “Well…whatever you think…and I’ll pay you a lot, and then some, once the job is done.” I didn’t believe her cock and bull story about the money; but her line: “and then some”, intrigued me.

So, I had some friends meet the husband in a bar.  Yeah, we could’ve fit him for a cement kimono, but that’s not my style.  So, my buddies just roughed him up; they were all over him like a cheap suit.  They slipped him a mickey and the next thing he knew, he was on a freighter, bound for…who knows?  I didn’t ask. 

So, I called the dame and there was no answer.  I could’ve guessed she’d skip town.  I strolled to my walk-up on Eighth Avenue.  I walked in; the place was so quiet, it made the morgue seem like Joe’s Bar. I turned on the lights and there she was, wearing nothing but her birthday suit, lying on a pile of thousand dollar bills that would fill Hoover Dam. After we rolled around in the dough, she grabbed a handful of bills, threw them in the air and let them rain down.

Turned out, the husband had quite a stash and it was a good day after all. 
__________ 

I wrote this for the Week 71 Trifecta Writing Challenge where we are supposed to write a 33-333 word composition using the Urban Dictionary definition of "rain" in the context of bills coming down on someone.

I was inspired to write a Noir-like piece after having read many idioms in last week's Trifextra Writing Challenge and having also played a #hashtag called #failednoir on Twitter.

Your comments are appreciated.

56 comments:

  1. Good Day indeed. Nicely written Noir... didn't miss much... Dashiell and the boys would be proud... we'll have you fitted for a mustache soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah,great reverse twist,Lumdog!Loved the way it rolled initially & "rained" finally;-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Excellent noir tone, lumdog. I was hearing Bogart. And I love the cement kimono!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kymm. I'm glad you liked it! :)

      Delete
  4. I love noir, and this piece is a fun take on the genre. (: The little noir-ish phrases definitely fit and the whole piece is a fun read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Draug. I enjoyed working on the phrases. :)

      Delete
  5. Very nice! Very Mickey Spillane! The language here is so good too-so very vintage! Love!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Valerie. I didn't watch a lot if noir so I was a little apprehensive about doing this.

      Delete
  6. Ooooh, love it. I love noir movies. I could hear Bogart in this. Great details. Nice touch with the thousand dollar bills ... not in circulation for a long time - just like the dame's husband. Nice work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Steph. Glad you noticed the denomination. :)

      Delete
  7. A happy ending in Noir? What? Fantastic! And the trip to Anywhere, Earth was a great touch as well as cement Kimono!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You capture the style very well. I like the happy ending - I didn't expect resolution in such a short piece. (RogRites)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But, it's possible, after spending years working his way back home, he might want his money back and some revenge too. I'm just saying...it could happen, right? Thanks Rog.

      Delete
  9. This is like those private dick stories where all you ever see is his profile and her legs. And you hear some background grungy jazz playing all the time. I even read it like those narrations, I never knew I could read and sound like those guys in my head... ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha! Glad to have supplied the soundtrack. Thanks Marie. :)

      Delete
  10. Love this style. Makes me wish I smoked cigars or wore a trench coat. Irregardless, I was swirling in whatever you were smoking;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. All I could see was Humphrey Bogart for some reason ;-) Enjoyed the inner dialogue and the damn thing!

    ReplyDelete
  12. loaded with intrigue - well done lum

    ReplyDelete
  13. I hope she was wearing a Maltese Dalkon while you two took a roll in the...dough.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I hope so, since i wasnt there. Thats my story anyway! Thanks Jody.

      Delete
  14. Ah, the husband is dead and they're (literally) rolling in the dough...great day, indeed :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's just missing. :) I just realized I should have said "rolled in the cabbage", another old time word for money. Thanks Janna.

      Delete
  15. Love the voice of the character here, and idioms galore! This was a great write.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I went to the library yesterday. They only had two Raymond Chandler books, and I had read both of them. This is only a temporary noir fix.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I loved this!! Read it through twice!! Very nice my friend!! Xo ~ Jen

    ReplyDelete
  18. This was a fun read! Good take on the prompt!

    ReplyDelete
  19. The tall blonde, the broad, the dame... I love the anonymity of character.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Brenda. Loved your piece.

      Delete
  20. Great noir and play on the title!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bee, thanks for your comment and noticing the double entendre in the title. :)

      Delete
  21. A very good day indeed! I guess the broad was worth the risk after all!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Good job. I liked the tone and language you used. I liked how you did the husband away. It was a nice change from the usual bump off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank Ann. I try to stay up beat, even with noir. Lol! :)

      Delete
  23. I heard the voice of Humphrey Bogart while reading this. Perfect noir, and I loved every single word!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for such kind words Tina.

      Delete
  24. It was a mini movie...almost a musical..I can also visualize a dance number in the end...legs kicking high..noir well done.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I LOVED this. Loved it. Read it three times and smiled ear to ear! Great job!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. couldn't resist "blinging" you, lumdog! have a terrific day! -jody

    You've been blinged: http://humantriumphant.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/blog-bling/

    ReplyDelete